In the last week many articles have come out about Zoom fatigue.  There is useful info about why Zoom and newer entrants from Google’s new ‘Meet’ that you see next to your Gmail inbox, and Facebook’s new ‘Messenger Rooms’ can leave you fatigued.  

We are the human connection people here at Sidewalk Talk.  The intent of this piece is to empower you to use whatever tools you have to create meaningful connection. 

Use the science, don’t let it get you down. 

When we read negative articles our brain will start saying “Oh online meetings will make me fatigued” and then we create that reality.  Instead, let’s create a better reality.

3 reasons video calls can make us fatigued

1. Brain Exhaustion: Our brain has to work way harder on video calls.  

• Continuous partial attention is that time slicing or focusing on too many things the brain has to do in a video call where there are many square boxes and people facing you.

• Noise filtering and spatial cueing allow us to be less taxed by background noise in real life.  But on a video or conference call we cannot filter out background noise the same way and the brain must work harder.   Loud kids, a leaf blower outside, a clicking pen, slurping coffee are all amplified in our new online connecting and the brain has to work harder to concentrate. 

• Lack of non-verbals like body language and meta communications like “uh-huh” often can’t be seen or heard, are delayed, cut off, or aren’t available because of tech glitches or someone being on mute.  That doesn’t mean the brain isn’t still hyper scanning for them.  The only problem, the brain isn’t finding them so it scans harder.

2. Self-consciousness: we feel on display and the need to perform on video.

When we hang out with friends in real life, we can have long pauses, rest back into the sofa, and gaze off in thought for a while.  On video this is less possible as silence registers anxiously for those watching on video.  We are more inclined to perform.  So a friend connection designed for refueling can feel quite exhausting.

3. The perception that people are less friendly gets to us.

There is, on average a 1.2 second delay on video calls.  Research shows what we do with that delay is feel anxious or perceive our talker as less friendly.

We can create meaningful and heartfelt connections online.  

Last night, in our private Sidewalk Talk Listener Facebook group, six of us listeners who have listened together in San Francisco did a live zoom call.  Oh my gosh...my heart was beaming with love and connection.  I left the call with a grin that lasted an hour.  We came together around a unifying topic: Our training module - How Fixing and Advice Giving is Not Connecting. I moderated.  And invited storytelling.

We are gifting everyone a free training module for May’s Mental Health Awareness Month. Get it here.  

Towards the end of our call we all stopped and stared at each other and I felt tears come to my eyes.  Here we were on Zoom, and feeling incredibly bonded.  Kalyan Meegada said, “Guys, you can connect anywhere.  It doesn’t matter where you are, you make adjustments.  That is what we do on the sidewalk.  We make adjustments.  Even on a busy city street, we learn how to connect so well, we really do feel a lot and we can do that online too.  Just do it.  Just make it happen.”

What are the adjustments we need to make to connect meaningfully in online meetings?  

1. Set an intention to genuinely connect.

Mantra, “I am going to try to connect below the mind and feel who this person is, even on a video call.”  I do this all day in my therapy practice and it really works.  Some of that comes from the facilitator of the call naming this in some way up front or organizing around a theme but highlighting how connecting will happen. 

2. Get the tech right.  

Everyone needs to mute themselves when one person is talking.  Everyone, ideally, is in a quiet location without distractions. And your internet connection is working and not competing with other users.

3. Use storytelling.  

Listen to last week’s podcast with Yamini Naidu or previous guest Antonio Sacre.  Storytelling, even in a business setting, can be done and it does create more connection.

4. Listen well.

Need help?  Become a Sidewalk Talk Listener and get access to our training.  The basics: 

Reflect - “What I hear you saying is….”  

Check - “Did I get that right? Is there more you want to say?” 

Validate…”I see how you can feel that way.  Makes total sense.”

5. Connect while you speak.

I was interviewed for the Wall Street Journal about this.  We lose our connection with our listeners and start droning on.  If you are talking ‘at’ rather than dialoguing ‘with’, slow down.  “Why am I talking?” And keep track of time.  Not to a degree you can’t be yourself but if you aren’t conscious that others want a turn, you will create disconnection.  Good facilitation can help keep time too.

6. Say a long slow goodbye.

Rushing off a call impacts our psychology and attachment system.  Take a pause.  Look everyone in the eyes.  Let recognition in that these are people, not a laptop you have been speaking to.  Take a pause and smile.  Then say a heartfelt goodbye.  It matters.

We are “Zoomed-Out” out for many reasons.  We are in mass coping mode, in general. But using science and adjusting is key.  We need human connection.  I think Kalyan set it better than I could ever so let me repeat the invitation he made.

“Guys, you can connect anywhere. It doesn’t matter where you are, you make adjustments. That is what we do on the sidewalk. We make adjustments. Even on a busy city street, we learn how to connect so well, we really do feel a lot and we can do that online too. Just do it. Just make it happen.”