Depression and Ungrieved Futility | Marty Cooper
Do we have depression all wrong? In times of decreased connection— out of necessity or not, how do we start moving in the right direction and reaching out for what we need from ourselves and each other?
Today’s guest, San Francisco based therapist, Marty Cooper shares his insights on how depression can take root and why society at large may be looking at things wrong. He shares compelling insights into human survival and the role depression might play as a security mechanism. Traci shares a recent experience with grief and gains a deeper understanding about her own needs for connection. Also, hear why the unseen impact of connecting with strangers on sidewalks matters more than you could ever know.
Episode Timeline:
[00:09] Intro
[00:57] Meet Marty Cooper
[03:33] His take on depression
[08:11] Relationships and ungrieved futility
[08:34] What's missing from society’s conversation about depression
[12:26] What is depression’s intention
[16:25] Refusing to reach acceptance
[19:18] Traci’s recent experience with grief
[23:40] Tightening up and what prevents our access to grief
[25:43] Responding to limited social connection
[28:39] The impact connecting connecting on sidewalks can have
[37:16] His upcoming dissertation and book
[17:46] Marty Cooper’s words of wisdom for you
[40:15] Outro
Resources Mentioned:
Standout Quotes:
“So that view, which, depending on our training in our graduate schools, was more or less emphasized in mind. It was fairly de-emphasized being a humanistic program, but it was still there. As a bias towards depression being meaningless, but the neurochemistry being meaningful. So you treat the neurochemistry and then the depression goes away. I think that's radically wrongheaded.” -Marty Cooper [10:46]
“It's the fear that we can't go through that process of loss, i.e. grief, without being destroyed. That's what prevents primarily our access to grief and then the movement through to the acceptance, the allowance of the feelings and the physical states and the arrival at that release. But if you can't find that sense of safety with that process, you will tighten up and that's when depression kind of perks up and is summoned. ” -Marty Cooper [24:27]
“So if I'm not getting connection, the actual effective starting place of reaching out for obtaining those connections is an acceptance of the fact and the suck of not having those connections… that's the opening then to take action, because then you can tolerate whatever the rejection or the pain that is there around connection.” -Marty Cooper [26:56]
”It creates a kind of counter depressive effect, just by sitting there just by experiencing connection and experiencing a voice outside of your own head, who exhibits kindness and lack of judgment rather than what's going on in your own mind. -Marty Cooper, on connecting with strangers on sidewalks [33:41]
Connect:
Find | Sidewalk Talk
At sidewalk-talk.org
On Instagram: @sidewalktalkorg
On Twitter: @sidewalktalkorg
Find | Traci Ruble
At Traciruble.com
On Instagram: @TraciRubleMFT
On Twitter: @TraciRubleMFT
On Facebook: @TraciRubleMFT
Find | Marty Cooper
At MLCooper.com
On Facebook: @MartyCooperMFT
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