How to set boundaries that stick and the brain stuff behind boundaries with Juliane Taylor Shore
Juliane Taylor Shore, LMFT, LPC, SEP, is a therapist, author, and teacher dedicated to creating spaces where people can cultivate self-compassion, self-trust, empowerment, and integrity. Juliane regularly teaches and speaks to audiences around the world, translating the latest insights in neurobiology into practical tools that foster meaningful brain change.
In this conversation, Traci and Juliane dive into Juliane’s work with complex trauma and her study of neurobiology, which inspired her to write a brain-savvy book on setting boundaries. Together, they explore what’s happening in the brain during moments of connection and threat—and, most importantly, what to do about it. Pssst, this will help a ton with listening on the sidewalk.
Above all, this episode offers a little love transfusion. Juliane’s excitement, compassion, and authentic humanity shine through, making her a wonderful model for all of us who strive to listen with heart—whether on the sidewalk or beyond.
Episode Timeline
00:00 Introduction to Sidewalk Talk
01:04 Meet Julianne Taylor Shore
01:46 Julianne's Unique Approach to Therapy
06:05 Understanding Boundaries
13:58 The Pleasure of Listening
24:28 Brain States and Boundaries
33:21 Exploring the Concept of Specialness
35:19 Building a Relationship with Your System
37:10 Navigating Emotions and Reactions
45:06 Self-Trust and Intuition
49:36 Interconnectedness and Boundaries
56:10 Closing Thoughts and Appreciations
Resources Mentioned
Setting Boundaries that Stick (Book)
STAIR Training with Juliane (Training)
Standout Quotes
When your brain has assessed that you're relatively okay, now connection and bonding and collaboration are physiologically available to you. (Juliane)
Boundaries are something you do in response to some limit or request not being met. And I always thought the boundary was the limit or the request. (Traci)
All my boundary work actually came out of how do I help people be with this hard reality? Like, your brain sees the world differently than the person's brain next to you. Because you have different histories and different contexts and how you're making sense of all this information that's coming at you is unique to you. (Juliane)
I call it listening with acceptance. And it's really, can you let yourself bear witness to someone else's thinking and feeling spaces without needing to change those internal spaces in them for you to be okay. So if I listen with acceptance, then it's cool for you to be you. I don't need you not to be you for me to be all right. And that's separate from behavior. I really want to separate that out. Not every behavior is okay. But thoughts and feelings, that's somebody becoming themselves through time. (Juliane)
Connect
Find | Julian Taylor Shore
On Instagram: @JulianeTaylorShore
On LinkedIn: @JulianeTaylorShore
On Facebook: @JulianeTaylorShore
Find | Sidewalk Talk
On Instagram: @sidewalktalkorg
On Twitter: @sidewalktalkorg
On Facebook: @Sidewalktalksf
On LinkedIn: @SidewalkTalkOrg
Find | Traci Ruble
On Instagram: @TraciRubleMFT
On Twitter: @TraciRubleMFT
On Facebook: @TraciRubleMFT
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