Broke-ass stuart: Talking & Listening on the Streets of San Francisco

Psychotherapy clients ask me all the time, “Don’t you get tired of hearing so many people’s sob stories and complaining?” I have yet to feel tired. Sure, some days are long, and being a therapist requires a level of attention that is taxing, but never in my 13 years of working with psychotherapy clients have I ever felt “tired of someone’s experience,” or judged their pain as “annoying complaining”. So much in the asking of that question is about the inner work of the person asking it. What they really might be saying is “Am I worthy of being listened to? Do I matter? Do you care about me? Am I too much for you? Am I special?” I am grateful for my own growth in listening, and genuine feelings of care and non judgement for my clients.

Listening with relational presence is an act that helps everyone. I feel liberated from my own ego and find peace, clarity and belonging when I remember to slow down, softly gaze at another person, let go of all my judgements or ideas about living, and intentionally listen to hear the soul of this person coming through in their words, tone, and body posture. And the other person feels like they matter, like they belong. And polyvagal theory tells us that belonging calms our nerves and is the recipe for mental wellness.

Sidewalk Talk, co-created with Lily Sloane in 2014, and now produced by me, Traci Ruble, was born from the need to channel my outrage at injustice and foster belonging among people who are different, visibly on the streets, where others might join in. So much of the kind of listening done in therapy is radical and counterculture in the best possible way. It isn’t always comfortable, it isn’t always linear, and there is no consumed product. But it does promote wellness and happiness and it can be offered freely.